Chapter Fifty One

1700 EST

1395 Kalmia Drive

King George, VA

Mac had put down Mackenzie for a quick nap while Sergei went to the store to pick up some spaghetti sauce.  Harm and Mattie had gone out for their ride, and Mac sat on the sun porch waiting for someone to be come back. 

Harm and Mattie were the first ones to return, he and Mac had decided that they were going to have to tell Mattie together.  They walked up and Harm and Mac asked Mattie to take a seat.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mattie we have something to tell you,” Mac started off gently.

“You guys are breaking up?!”

“No, Mattie, it’s nothing like that.” Harm answered.  “But, I got orders to go to the Patrick Henry.”

“What case is it?”

“It’s not a case Mattie.  I am being assigned to fly in the air wing for at least three months, but no longer than a year.”

Mattie’s face completely fell for two seconds, and then she completely recovered.  “Fly safe up there dad, and I will see you for your two week r and r soon right?”

“You can bet on it Matts.” He gave her a hug, and then she quickly excused herself so she could scrub up for dinner.

Mac and Harm looked at each other.  “Harm, she isn’t handling this very well.”

“I know Mac, I know my daughter very well.”

“Did you call your grandmother and make arrangements for taking everyone up there?”

“Yeah.  She is looking forward to meeting Mackenzie and Mattie.  I haven’t been able to make the time for the girls to see her yet.”

“She must be so excited.”

“She is.  She is also excited to meeting you.”

“I am looking forward to meeting the other Sarah in your life.”

Jen came to the door knocking with a chocolate cake.  Sergei had met her in the drive and Mackenzie had awaken, and Mattie was doing her older sister duty.  Mattie came down a couple minutes later and found her dad with the cake on the server with the spaghetti ready to go.

“Dad, Mackenzie has been changed and powdered.”

“Thanks honey.”

The family sat down to dinner with Harm and Mac at the heads of the table, Sergei and Jen at one side, and Mattie and Mackenzie at the other.   “Jen, as you are aware I am being transferred for three months.”  Sergei let out a small gasp.  “I was wondering if you could stay here while we went to go visit my grandmother.”

“No problem Harm.  I’ll even feed the horses for you.  Don’t worry I won’t ride them, I know how you feel about riding alone, but I will let them run the ring.”

“Thanks Jennifer.  Sergei, Gram really wants to meet you, and I know you have school starting on Monday so I figured we would fly you up if you want to go.  There is a ticket for a red eye tonight, Ms. Haskins the neighbor is going to pick you up.”

“Thank you brother.”

“We will meet you there tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Jen smiled, “I’ll help you pack after dinner and then take you to the airport when it is time.  I will pick you up, just call me with the flight time on Saturday.”

“Thank you Jennifer.”

Mattie just sat there eating dinner in silence and Mac gave Harm a knowing look.  She excused herself after dessert and went to go pack her bag.  She was excited about meeting her great grandmother, but wished it was underneath better circumstances.

Mattie feel asleep around 2200, Harm looked in on her when he didn’t see her after dinner, and he could feel Mac come up behind him.

“Mac, I knew it was too good to be true.”

“What was too good to be true?”

“Life.  My beautiful girls, our love, having Sergei here, I’m losing it all Mac.”

“You aren’t losing it all.  You are leaving for a couple of months.  We will all be here when you get back.”

Mac watched him watch Mattie sleep.  “Promise me Mac that you won’t let her revert back into being a 15 year old adult.  Promise me you will help her stay a teenager, let her go out, have AJ scare away her boyfriends.” He said holding himself trying to find some comfort.  “She is just a kid Mac.”

Mac led him away from Mattie’s room.  “I promise you that she will always be able to be a teenager.  I won’t let her grow up too quickly.  Come on Flyboy.  Let’s check on Mackenzie.  We have to pack the car with all her stuff.  We need the pack-n-play, her Tommy, her pacifier, her blanket, a ton of clothes, bottles, the walker.” She said starting to get teary eyed.

“Mac, honey,” he thumbed away her tears.  He led her downstairs to the couch and switched on the stereo.  “Shh, it’s okay. Let it out.”  She cried silently in his arms, seeking the warmth that was him, the arms that would cradle her and never drop her, and his eyes that would tear into her soul.

“Dance with me Sarah.”  He pulled her up from the couch and pulled her into his arms.  He swayed with her slowly to the lyrics of the song.

THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME (Bon Jovi)

It's
                                    hard for me to say the things 

I want to say sometimes (AN –Doesn’t
                                    the first two lines just sum it up!)

There's no one here but you and
                                    me 

And that broken old street light 

Lock
                                    the doors 

We'll leave the world outside 

All
                                    I've got to give to you 

Are these five words when I 

Thank
                                    you for loving me 

For being my eyes 

When
                                    I couldn't see 

For parting my lips 

When
                                    I couldn't breathe 

Thank you for loving me 

Thank
                                    you for loving me 

I
                                    never knew I had a dream 

Until that dream was you 

When
                                    I look into your eyes 

The sky's a different blue 

Cross
                                    my heart 

I wear no disguise 

If
                                    I tried, you'd make believe 

That you believed my lies 

Thank
                                    you for loving me 

For being my eyes 

When
                                    I couldn't see 

For parting my lips 

When
                                    I couldn't breathe 

Thank you for loving me 

You
                                    pick me up when I fall down 

You ring the bell before they count
                                    me out 

If I was drowning you would part the sea 

And
                                    risk your own life to rescue me 

Lock
                                    the doors 

We'll leave the world outside 

All
                                    I've got to give to you 

Are these five words when I 

Thank
                                    you for loving me 

For being my eyes 

When
                                    I couldn't see 

You parted my lips 

When
                                    I couldn't breathe 

Thank you for loving me 

When
                                    I couldn't fly 

Oh, you gave me wings 

You
                                    parted my lips 

When I couldn't breathe 

Thank
                                    you for loving me 

“Mac, I don’t have much to give you but my love.”

“Honey for me that is al I need in life.”

He kissed her eye lids.  He led her outside.  “Look at all the stars.”

“They are beautiful.”

“When I was younger me and Dad used to look at the stars, he taught me the constellations.  He told me that when I was missing him that I should look at the stars and thing of him because that it where he would be, flying among the stars.”

She held him even tighter.  “I don’t know how to let you go now.”

“Then don’t.  Keep me forever in your heart.”

“You got it Harm.”

They went up to their room and started settling in for bed and turned on a movie.  An hour later they heard sobbing coming down the hall.  A minute later Mattie walked into their room.

“Dad?!”

“Mattie come here baby.”

Mattie climbed in the bed between Harm and Mac.  “Dad, I had a dream that you went down.”  She sobbed into his chest.  “Dad, can I sleep in here with you and Mom.”

Mac jumped in.  “Yes honey.”  Just then Mackenzie started crying.  “I’ll go get her.  Go wash your face, and then all of us will camp out in the big bed.”

Mattie gave her a nod and Harm went to the closet to pull out Mackenzie’s bassinet.  Mac walked in a couple minutes later with Mackenzie who was wet and that was the reason that she woke up.  “Da!”  He cradled her in his arms and settled her down in the bassinet and Mattie crawled in to bed beside her parents.  Mac set her internal alarm for eight so they could get on the road to his grandmother’s farm.

Chapter Fifty Two

1300 EST

Sarah Rabb’s Farm

Belleville, PA

Sergei and Gram were sitting on the front porch sipping their ice tea when they saw the gold SUV pull up into the drive.  “Sergei, darling, help me up.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Sergei, I may be old, but I am your Gram, so call me that sweetheart.”

“Yes Gram.”  He helped his grandmother up from the steps and walked out to the car.  Mac was trying to wake an asleep Mattie and Harm was unstrapping a wide eye Mackenzie.

Harm flipped Mackenzie around so she could see his grandmother.  “Look Mackenzie it is your great-grandmother Sarah.” 

Mac finally was able to wake up Mattie and ran her fingers through Mattie’s hair quickly.  “Honey, we are here.  Your great grandma is waiting to meet you.”

“Okay Mom.”

Mattie quickly got out of the car and stood at her father’s side.  “Gram, this is Mattie, my other daughter.  You have spoken with her over the phone.”

“Ma’am.”

“Let me make this announcement on last time, it’s Gram.  That includes everyone,” she said winking at Sarah.  “Now, Harm hand me my great granddaughter, and Mattie come give me a hug.  Sarah, Sergei has told me that Harm proposed to you in an unusual way.  Was it better than his grandfathers so eloquent speech of ‘So, you know, what do you think?’ Then he tossed the ring to me.”

Mattie laughed.  “It was sweet, it’s a good story.”

“Sergei, show Mattie to her room.  Harm, I have you and Mac with Mackenzie in your old room.”

“Yes ma’am.”  Harm immediately got to work unpacking the car while Mac and Mackenzie went inside with his grandmother.  He heard the sound of laughter coming from the house and decided it was music to his ears.

He finally got finished setting up the pack-n-play for Mackenzie when he heard her high pitched wails coming from downstairs.  Mackenzie never cried when left along with anyone, so he immediately went into father mode and ran down the stairs.  Harm turned the corner and found his family gathered around the entrance to the family room, and Mackenzie was in the room on her play mat.

“Mac, what’s going on?”

“There is a snake in the living room with Mackenzie.  Harm, go get her!”

Sergei came running in the house with a garden hoe.  “I found something we can kill the snake with.” 

Harm looked at the snake, it was a large brown snake that was uncoiling from the woodpile basket by the fireplace.  “Sergei, you kill the snake, I’ll grab Mackenzie.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Harm gradually walked in the living room and got on the couch above were Mackenzie was screeching.  Mattie was hugging Mac.  He reached down and grabbed her right before the snake got to her.  Sergei beheaded he snake that was going after his niece.

Harm held the baby close to his heart and that calmed her down.  “Mackie, Daddy has you.  Daddy loves you.” He told her in between her cries.  He drew lazy circles on her back and she started sucking on her thumb.  “Gram, when did you start having problems with snakes?”

“I don’t.  He must have been hiding in the woodpile that Jefferson brought in for me yesterday.”

He handed Mackenzie to Mattie when she had finally calmed down and walked over to the woodpile and started sifting through it looking for anymore unwanted vermin in the house.  

His grandmother escorted everyone out to the porch to have some lemonade before she started dinner.   Mackenzie reached over to grab her father’s cup.  “Do you want to try some?” he asked her as he put some on his finger for her to try.  He was rewarded with her puckering up her little lips and then her laughing.

Mattie was sitting next to him.  “Dad, can we go riding tonight?”

“Sure Matts.”

His grandmother walked out of the house and looked at her family sitting on the front porch.  “Harm, Sergei, go scrub up for dinner.”

“Yes Gram.” The boys answered together.

“Mattie, go upstairs and clean up for dinner too.” Harm instructed her.

“Okay Dad.”

Mac took Mackenzie and got her situated in the high chair while helping the older Sarah in the kitchen.

“Sarah dear, tell me how are you really coping with Harm being deployed?”

“Just fine Gram.  He is coming home to me and to his girls.”

“Good to hear dear.  You must have incredible strength, I was scared to death when both Harm Sr. and Zachary, Harm’s grandfather, left for war.”

Mac had her back turned to the older Sarah.  “I have to believe he is going to be fine, or else my knees would buckle from underneath me and I would cry just at the thought of him going over there.”

“Sarah, its okay to be weak.”

“No it’s not.  I have to be strong for my girls, I have to be strong for Harm.”  Harm was right behind her.  Mac walked out the back door.

Grams looked at Harm with pleading eyes.  “Go to her,” she mouthed to him.  Sarah exited quietly with Mackenzie and Harm pulled Mac close to him.

“Go for a walk with me Sarah, then we will come back and have dinner, just me and you.”

“Will Grams be fine with Mackenzie?”

“Sure, besides she is not alone, Sergei and Mattie are with her.”

“Let me run upstairs and grab our jackets.” Mac suggested.  She found that summer nights in Pennsylvania were a little cooler than what she thought they would be.  

She found Harm standing out on the porch waiting for her.  “You ready for our walk sailor?”

“Sure am.” He slipped on his jacket and then helped Mac on with her jacket.  He saw the glint of her engagement ring in the setting sun.  He walked her down to the creek and had her sit on a fallen down tree.  “Mac, I have been thinking.”

“Don’t do that too much, it may hurt you.”

“Mac, this is serious.”  He slipped the engagement ring off her finger.  “I don’t want you to wait for me to return home.  I can’t ask you to wear my ring, not with this much uncertainty.” He whispered it off into the sunset.

“Harm, don’t you dare shut me out.  Of course I am going to wait for you to come home, because you are going to, I know you are going to.” She added for an extra hint of confidence.

“My father didn’t, my grandfather didn’t.  Now my nightmare is coming true, I get shipped off to war, and I am leaving my wi – fiancé and children behind.”

“Your father’s fate is not your own fate.  Damn it Harm.  I love you, do you hear me!  Look at me.”  She turned him around and made him face her and looked at her engagement ring.  “I will wait for you no matter what, ring or no ring.”

He looked in her eyes and saw a determined look in her eyes only secondary to the love that was burning with intense desire.  “I love you so much Mac.  What if I don’t come back?”

“Then your legacy lives on through two little girls and a woman who will never let them forget how much you love them.” She said with her voice cracking full of emotion.  She tried to steal her emotions up and he immediately saw the walls starting to go up again.

“Mac, I heard you in the kitchen.  You don’t have to be strong for me.  I am going to be strong for the both of us and even though there is a small chance I may not return, I promise you I am going to try my hardest to make it home to you.”

She fell into his arms and allowed the stress to come out in the forms of tears.  “Promise me you will come home.”

“I can’t promise you something that is beyond my control, but I promise I will stay in touch as much as possible.”

“I guess that’ll have to do.”  She sighed into his chest and let his strength be her comfort.  “Can I have my ring back now?  It may sound silly, but it helps me find the strength I need for our family, and I feel the connection to you so much more when it is on.”

“It doesn’t sound silly at all.  Knowing that you are wearing my ring gives me strength and hope.  It helps me remember that after all this craziness is over, I am going home to the most beautiful woman and two of the most beautiful daughters that any man could ask for.”

Her stomach started rumbling and he started laughing.  “I need to feed you, don’t I.”

“Yes you do.” She said as he slipped the engagement ring back on her finger.

“I love you so much it hurts to know that I’m leaving you.” He whispered into her ear. 

“I love you too.  Don’t forget it flyboy.”

They made their way back to the house where they ate quickly so Harm could take Mattie out on their ride. 

They spent one week at Gram’s farm, and when it came to an end, they knew that they would have to face a very uncertain future. 

Chapter Fifty Three

0630 EST

13 days later

King George, VA

The whole house woke up in a solemn mood knowing that Harm would be leaving for the Patrick Henry the next morning.  Mattie had wanted to stay home, but since it was her first week of school they made a compromise, she was going to be picked up in the middle of the day for lunch to spend some time with Harm, but then she would have to go back to finish up the day, and they were going to pick her up twenty minutes early before dismissal.

Harm had woken up to the sounds of Mackenzie crying.  He stepped into her nursery and found her looking up at him with big blue eyes.  “Come on Mackie, Daddy has something he wants to do with you.”  He picked her up and changed her diaper and made her a bottle.

He reached the living room and went to his office pulling out a camcorder and set it on the fireplace mantel.  He started the camcorder and sat down with Mackenzie, cradling her in his arms.

He looked down at his little girl and then looked at the camera.  “Mackenzie, today is September 12, the day before I have to leave you for a very long time.  Baby, I want you to know I am sorry I am going to probably miss your first steps, but I know that Mama is going to figure out a way to let me know how much you grow.  I am so sorry I am going to miss that sweet pea.

“Let me explain something to you, Daddy never wants to leave you ever.  But I know that it is impossible.  If I don’t come back though from the God-forsaken desert, I want you to know one thing, you were always a very wanted and loved little girl, no matter the circumstances behind how you came into this world.  I remember the first day I saw you.  You were sitting in a carrier on my desk.  You were wearing a yellow sleeper that had ducks on it.  You came to live with me and your mommy on that warm April day.  I was scared to death but overwhelmed with love for the little wiggle worm.

“There are a couple of things I want you to know about life that a daughter should learn from her father.  When picking out a good man to spend the rest of your life with, pick one like your father.  I may not be perfect, but I love you and so will he.  I am sure that Mattie will teach you how to fly, no matter how much your mother hates it.  Make sure you listen to her, she is a natural.  No matter what the DNA says, Mattie is your older sister, respect her . . . she loves you too baby.

“Under no circumstances are you or your sister going to spend your life in regret.  Make sure that you always dance when you hear music and sing at the top of your lungs.  Always tell your mother that you love her before you go to sleep.  Look at the stars and tell me goodnight before you go to bed.  I love you Mackenzie Nicole Rabb.  Be a good girl for Mommy.”  He got up with Mackenzie and turned on the stereo.  “My Girl” came playing out of it and he danced with Mackenzie.  Mac had woken up and came downstairs.  She stopped at the bottom three steps and sat down and waited for their moment to be up.  She quietly slipped into the kitchen and started making breakfast for her family.

“You hear that Mackenzie, it is the most beautiful, loving woman in the world.  She is going to take great care of you while I am gone.”  He kissed his baby on the cheek and set her down in her high chair.

Mac was making the batter for the pancakes and was reaching in the cabinet for the syrup.

“Harm, honey, can you get down the plates and go wake up Mattie before she is late for school.”

“Sure, call down Sergei, his first class is at nine and he needs to come down.  I don’t know where he has learned to sleep in like this.”

“Okay honey.”  She picked up Mackenzie and headed up to Sergei’s room above the garage.  “Sergei, rise and shine.  You better get a move on.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said groggily.  He pulled on his shirt and headed down stairs to meet his brother and nieces for breakfast.

Harm stood in the entrance way sipping his coffee after finishing up his pancakes, just watching Mattie wipe syrup from Mackenzie cheek, Mac laughing over Mackenzie tipping her bowl of oatmeal over her head, and his brother reading the newspaper.  He went from having no family to a family that would be there for him always. 

“Dad, are you going to stand there all morning, or are you going to take me to school?”

“As soon as you are ready, I will let you drive to school today, that way I know you can drive the path, and then maybe when things calm down you can convince Mac to take you for your driving test.”

“So cool Dad!”

“Okay Mattie, if you do pass your driving test, this means no late night driving, no driving with Mackenzie in the car just yet, and you always have to let me or Mac know where you are.  The only way we can do this is through this,” Harm said pulling something out of his pocket.

“Dad, you got me a cell phone!”

“Correction, it was Mac’s idea.  You, Mac, and Sergei all have a cell, use it wisely.  You have 400 daytime minutes and unlimited nights.  Now go get ready.”

She ran upstairs and Sergei took off to go to school.  “You know Harm, if she didn’t already worship the ground you walk on, then I would think that you got one up with her just now.”

“I’m her Dad.  Right now I can’t do wrong.”

She picked up Mackenzie out of her high chair.  “Did you pack you sea bag?”

“I am going to pack as soon as I get back dropping of Mattie.”

“I’ll pack it for you.  That way I can sleep better knowing that you have everything you need.”

“Thanks Mac.”

Mattie came bounding down the stairs.  “Which car are we taking, the vette?”

“No, we are taking the Lexus.  Mac, me and Mattie are heading out.  I will see you soon.”

She walked out the kitchen with a clean Mackenzie in her hands.  “Ok you two be safe.  I love you.  Mattie be good in school, and I will see you for dinner tonight.  What do you want?”

“Pasta primavera, grilled chicken, Caesar salad.”

“Okay.  That is a can do.”

Harm kissed Mackenzie on the cheek and gave Mac a kiss on her nose.  “I’ll be back in about two hours.  There are some things I have to pick up after dropping Mattie off, and I have to run by JAG to give stuff to Bud for the kids.”

“I understand.  Do what you have to do honey.”

Mattie honked the horn to the car and Harm made his way to his not-so-little girl.  Mac stood watching Harm tense as Mattie started backing the Lexus out of the driveway.  She started chuckling, the man who has nerves of steel was nervous when his teenager drove.  She took Mackenzie arm and helped her wave bye to them and she turned around and walked back into the house.

Inside the house, Mac put Mackenzie down in the playpen in the living room and switched on a DVD for her to keep occupied with, knowing it wouldn’t last long, Mackenzie liked to experience the world through doing it herself, not by watching it on television.  She cleaned up the kitchen hearing Mackenzie cry out for her Mom.

“You want to be with Mommy?”  Mac asked as she walked in with her hands all sticky from cleaning up their mess.  She picked her up blowing kisses on her stomach causing her to laugh.  “Let’s go get clean for Daddy.”  Mac took her into the shower with her just enjoying the little moments that they had together.  She walked down to the office to finish some of the administrative cases while Mackenzie played on the mat.

Just as Mac was settling in on her second case, the phone rang.

Ring . . . Ring . . .

“Rabb/Mackenzie residence.”

“Sarah, its Trish.”

“Trish, how wonderful to hear from you.  Harm isn’t here right now.”

“That’s alright.  Frank and I are in New York.  I am just calling to find out if it is okay if Frank and I come over to say bye to Harm before he leaves.”

“Totally fine.  I’ll prepare the guest room for you.  Can you be here for dinner, Harm doesn’t know it but his friends are coming in to say bye to him.”

“When is dinner?”

“1800. Mattie is going to convince Harm to take her out for something around 1600, and is going to keep him occupied until 1745.  Will that work for you?”

“Sure will.  We will see you soon.”

“Okay Trish.  Looking forward to it.  Bye.”

“Bye honey.”

Mackenzie was playing with a ball when she threw it at Mac causing her to look up.  “Want to play with Mommy?”  Mac leaned down to pick up the ball when she saw the video camera (a DVR to be more correct) that Harm had purchased.  She looked at the DVDs he had neatly stacked up.  Each one had a label on it: Jen, Sergei, The Roberts Family, AJ, Admiral Jonas, Frank and Trish, Mackenzie (who had a couple), Mattie (who also had a couple), and Mac.

Harm walked into the office just as she got finished pulling out the tapes.  “Mac did you watch the tapes?”

“No.  I figured that these were something private of yours.  Mackenzie knocked them over when she threw her ball under the desk.”

“I made a couple for Mattie and Mackenzie for you to play that way they would always remember me.  There is one of me reading different stories to Mackenzie for bedtime, there is one of me singing different songs to her,” he pulled them out of the stack.  They were labeled a little bit differently so he could tell what they were.  “Mattie has one of me giving her advice about driving and another DVD is ready for her birthday in case I can’t call on that date.  There is one for you.  I hid it, so you have to find it.   I will let you play it when I’m gone.  Whenever you miss me, play that.  The rest are for in case I don’t make it back.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck.  “Don’t leave.”  She asked irrationally knowing that he was going to have to go.

“I would give anything to stay here with you and the kids.” He whispered in her hair.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.  Do you think Mackenzie will go down for her nap?”

“I think she will be ready to go down soon.  I can’t wait to spend some time with you alone.”

“I know the feeling.”  Just then Mackenzie seemed to have become aware that her father had walked into the room.  She reached for him to pick her up and she sleepily set her head down on his shoulder.  He started singing softly in her ear and she quickly drifted off to sleep.  Harm reached out to Mac and she followed him up to her nursery as he put her to bed.

Harm reached for the baby monitor and the couple made their way back to their own bedroom.  Harm and Mac were able to spend about an hour together just being with each other until the baby woke up.  He picked Mattie up to take her to lunch at their favorite place like he promised, and then he worked on some of the household projects that needed to be finished before he left.

1500 EST

Mac came walking in through the doors with Mattie who was mumbling stuff about school.  Harm had decided to stay behind to finish building Mackenzie’s new swing set and to finish installing the new diving board while Mac picked up Mattie. 

“Mom, where’s Dad?”

“He is around here somewhere.  Check the backyard.  Tell him I will be in the kitchen, remember keep him out for awhile Mattie.”

“Got it Mom.”

Mattie walked out to the patio and found Harm sitting by the pool with Mackenzie.  “Dad, you put in a diving board!”

“Yes, I did.  Do we have to go over the rules?”

“Sure, why not, this is the last time in a couple of months you will be able to lay down the law.”

“First, no diving without an adult out here watching you.  Second, no friends can dive off without us knowing that they can swim first.”

“Seems pretty simple.”

“Dive lessons start next summer.  I already set up lessons for Mackenzie to do baby swimming, and Miranda is staying to teach you.”

“Dad, how awesome.  I wanted to learn all this before I went to the academy.”

“I know honey.”

“Dad, I am going to miss you.”

“I am going to miss you too.  Any last requests before I have to go?”

“Well, me and you rootbeer floats and birthday shopping?”

“Your birthday isn’t for two more months.”

“But you won’t be here for it.”

“Point taken, lets tell your mom and Mackenzie, and we will head out.”  He went inside and found Mac and Mackenzie in the living room, Mac was reading Mackenzie a fable on how the world came to be.

“Mac, me and Mattie are heading out to do father/daughter things.”  He picked up Mackenzie and tickled her tummy.  He was rewarded with the famous Rabb smile.  “Wiggle worm.”  She started wiggling in her daddy’s arms.  He kissed her little face and smiled.  “Daddy loves you so much.  We should be back in around two hours.  Do you need me to pick up anything for dinner?”

“The garlic rolls.  I love you.”

“No problem honey.  I love you too.”

He handed Mattie the car keys and they headed down the stairs of the porch to the Lexus.  “Dad, while we are out, can we go car shopping?”

“Don’t push your luck kiddo.”

Chapter Fifty Four

Mattie and Harm pulled up to the driveway after an extensive shopping trip which only produced a pair of shoes for Mattie.  He saw Mac on the front porch with Mackenzie and he waved to them. 

“Mackie, look who is here!”

“DADADA!”

“I swear Harm, this kid thinks the sun and moon rises and sets with you.”

“No, I’m just her Dad.”  He picked her up and threw her in the air and caught her in his arms.  “Mattie and me had a blast.”

“That’s good.  Dinner is done.  I thought for a change we would have dinner in the formal dining room.”

“Okay Mac.”

He helped her up off the porch and they went inside as a family.  Harm opened the dividing doors in between the kitchen and formal dining room to be greeted by warm familiar faces.

“Son, why don’t you pull up a seat and lead the family in grace?”

“Okay Frank,” Harm replied.  He cleared his throat, and everyone rose around the dinner table, and he went into parade rest out of force of habit and bowed his head.  “Bless oh lord, for these are thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

“At least you didn’t forget you dinner prayer.” His mother spoke up.  Harm looked around the table and saw Sergei and Jen, Admiral Chegwidden, Admiral Jonas, the Roberts, and Sturgis with Varese.

“You guys didn’t have to come out here for dinner.”

“Yes we did.” Sturgis replied.  “Who cooked?”

“Actually, I did.” Mac said.

“Harm, you trust a Marine to cook?  Have you had her coffee in the office?” Sturgis asked.

“Sure have.  In Mac’s defense though, it has to be the coffee maker.  She makes great coffee here.”  He kissed Mac on the cheek and Mackenzie started reaching for Harm so he ended up picking her up and eating with her on his lap.  He reached over and broke up some roll for her to gum on.

“Harm, do you always eat with Mackenzie on your lap?” His mother piped up.

“No, but today is different.” He said feeding Mackenzie some of her baby food.

The extended family sat around joking with each other.  Harm’s mother told some rather embarrassing stories of him when he was a baby while Harm took Mackenzie and Mattie outside to gaze at the stars.  “Harm Sr. used to do that with him when he was younger.  I am surprised he remembered.”

“My father knew about the stars?” Sergei asked genuinely curious.

“Oh yes.  He was a science buff.  He loved astronomy, anatomy, biology, and physics.  He used to love the stars, and I guess that is why he flew.”

“Harm one time told me that flying always put him closer to the stars and that made him feel closer to his dad.” Mac commented.

“Sergei that’s where you get it from.” Jen said to him.  “He gazes up at the stars at night, and then proceeds to tell me where all the constellations are.” Jen explained to everyone else.

“Sergei, you should call me more often,” Trish said.  “I am sure I can tell you stories of your father, and I am sure your grandmother would tell you stories.  You are no longer alone.  We are here now.  We are your family.”

“Thank you Trish.”

Same time outisde

“Mattie, I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but there is a chance that I may not come home.” Harm started to say to her.

“Daddy, no don’t say that.” She said with tears streaming down her face.  “In my dreams you will always be here, pulling up in the Lexus and wrapping me up in the hugs only you can give.”

“Come here honey.” He pulled her closer and whispered, “I hope you always keep me in your heart and in your dreams.” He hugged her close.  “Always remember, I love you Mathilda.  If I could stay here with you, I would, but I can’t.”

“I know Dad.”

Mackenzie started giggling while sitting on Harm’s lap.  He sang quietly to them as they rocked on the swing they had put up.  Before he realized it, Mattie was fast asleep leaned up against him, and Mackenzie was snuggled up in his arms.  Mac came walking out and claimed Mackenzie from his arms to put her up in the bassinet and Harm carried Mattie up to her room.  Mac made it downstairs before Harm.

“Sarah, dear, the kids in bed?”

“Yes they are Frank.  They were out like a light.  Harm has always had better luck putting Mackenzie to bed than me.  She is going to have a hard time when he leaves tomorrow.  Mattie worships Harm.”  She sighed knowing that the morning would soon be approaching. 

AJ came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.  “You know Mac, you will not be alone in raising these children.”

“I know AJ.  I’m just scared.”

Trish walked through the door.  “It’s alright to be scared Sarah.  Lord knows, when Harm Sr. went off, I don’t think I got a wink of sleep.”

Harm came bounding down the stairs and saw Mac being surrounded by the group of people.  He made it to the middle of the group and swept her up in kiss.  “I won’t be able to do this for several months, I might as well do it as much as I can right now.”

Harriet, being the ever so diplomatic person, grabbed her husband and pointedly said, “You know, it’s getting a little late, we should get going now.”

Sergei looked at Jen and invited her to his room to watch a movie, and Harm raised an eyebrow telling them to behave.  Sergei laughed at that.  AJ, Admiral Jonas, his parents, and Strugis and Varese decided to go get coffee at the local coffee shop, leaving the lovebirds behind to face the uncertain future together.

Chapter Fifty Five

0430

1395 Kalmia Drive

King George, VA

Mac woke up and reached over to pull Harm closer to her.  It was 0430 and she was missing his presence in the bed.  She wanted to spend a couple of more minutes in his arms, but she realized she wouldn’t get her wish, Harm was no where in sight.  She heard him in the nursery.  Mac crawled out of their bed and walked into the nursery.  She entered the room and found him just staring at in her crib.  “You know, she isn’t going to disappear.  Harm, come to bed with me. ”

“I know Mac, just days like this I need to watch the baby sleep.  I need to know that I am doing the right thing by packing up and leaving my beautiful girls behind.”

“Harm, you need to realize that you are not leaving by choice, but you are being ordered to go.  Your girls will not forget you.  They are always going to know what a good father you are, and we are going to think of you every night, and we are going to write you an email every night, and you are going to get pictures every night.  You may not be able to be here for them, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t know what they are up too.”

She leaned in to kiss him, and they watched Mackenzie sleep for just a little bit longer.  Their reverie of watching their little girl was soon broken by a scream coming from Mattie’s room.  Harm ran down the hall into Mattie’s room.  She was tossing and turning in her covers.  He sat down on her bed and stroked one of her curly strands out of her face.  “Mattie, honey, wake up, it’s just a nightmare.”

Her eyes opened with a start.  “Daddy, they had you.  You crashed, and they had you.  We thought you were dead.”

“Baby, it was just a nightmare.  Look, I am right here.”

“I know it was just a nightmare, I’m fine now.”

“Mattie, you don’t have to be brave for me, do you know that?”

“Yeah Dad I know that.”

“You know Mac is going to be here for you.  Remember to let her be the mom every so often.  Now crawl back under the covers and let your old man tuck you in.  You hardly let me do that anymore.”

“I know Dad.  But I am getting older.”

“But don’t forget that you are my little girl always.”

“Dad, you are such a sap, but you are my sap.  I love you.”

“I love you too baby.  Get some sleep.”  He tucked Mattie back into bed and kissed her on the cheek.

“You know Dad, you got really good at this dad stuff really quick, and you make it look really easy.”

“It’s only easy because I have two really good beautiful girls.  Now close your eyes and dream good dreams.  If you need me again, I am down the hall.”

The next morning Harm woke up early and watched the sunlight spill onto Sarah’s face.  He would never admit it to her, but at night and while she was sleeping, she was very much his Sarah, beautiful and calm, and while she was awake she was his Mac, a take charge Marine.  He smiled as he watched her smile in her sleep.  She looked so peaceful when she slept; no one ever knew that she was a kick-butt marine when she awoke in the mornings.

Mac had the strangest feeling that someone was watching her as she drifted slowly in between consciousness and dreamland.  She woke up slowly and caught him staring at her.  “Morning Gibraltar.”

“Gibraltar?  Is there another man you are replacing me with Mac?  You could at least wait until I’m gone, yesh!” He teased her crawling back into their bed hovering over her.

“I would never replace you, I swear!  You know Gibraltar, as in rock of Gibraltar?  You know, sometimes you are so dense.” She teased, pulling him down on top of her. 

He caressed her face slowly with his fingertips.  “You are so soft, so beautiful.  I’m kinda bummed that Mackenzie doesn’t have your eyes.  She would be the spitting image of you almost, your looks my brains.”

“I love your eyes and her eyes.  They pierce into my soul breaking down almost every wall that I have up.  She has your smile, the killer Rabb smile.  You are going to have a hard time when she starts dating.”

“I won’t have to worry about her when she starts dating, the boys will have to worry about my service weapon!”  He kissed her snaking his hand up her night shirt, yet again one of his old academy t-shirts and began to tickle her.  She broke out into fits of laughter.

She tried to tickle him back, only sneaking in a couple of assaults on his body when reinforcements came into the room to help her out.  Mattie had entered the room with a very wide awake Mackenzie.  “Mom, Dad, guess what I found Mackenzie trying to learn how to do!”

“What honey?” Mac asked wiping the tears from her eyes.

Mattie didn’t answer.  Instead she climbed up on their bed and put Mackenzie on her stomach.  She looked at her parents intently and then looked at her older sister.  All of the sudden she got this concentrated look on her face and propped herself up on all fours.  Something she had never done before.

Harm immediately picked her up off the bed and threw her in the air.  “You are so smart,” he squealed at her.  “Soon, you will be crawling!”  He looked at Mackenzie and Mattie.  He put Mackenzie back down on the bed and left the room.

“Mom, did I do something wrong?”

“No honey.  Your dad is just going through a tough time with having to leave his girls.”

“I wish he didn’t have to go.”  Mattie said staring wistfully at a picture of her and Harm together.

“I know honey.  Can you feed your sister?  I need to knock some sense into his head.”

“Mom, how can you let Dad go to the Pat?”

“I don’t have much of a choice.  Yes, I will miss him terribly, but I know that he will be home soon.” She handed Mackenzie to Mattie and went downstairs to find him.  She found him by the fireplace.  She put her hand on the small of his back and kissed the back of his neck. 

“You know, I love it when you do that.”

“Uh huh.”

“You know if you don’t quit it we will have another little baby running around the house.”

“Uh huh.”

“You know I love you, and wouldn’t leave you if I had the choice.”

She moved towards his jaw line and then to his lips.  “There is only one thing I want you to remember is how much me and the girls love you.”

“I could never forget that Mac.”  Him and Mac went into the kitchen and found Mattie helping them out like she said they would.  He put a pot of coffee on to wake everyone up.

His parents were the first people to come down the stairs.  “Morning Son,” Trish said.  “Mattie, look at you.  You look real good in the big sister role.”

Harm looked at the man that he had been so rotten to when he was younger, “Frank, can I see you outside?”

Frank seemed a little startled.  “Sure Son.”  Frank set his coffee cup down on the kitchen island and followed his pajama clad stepson to the pool area.  “You are scared out of your mind Harm.”  Frank said to him before Harm could get a word out.

“Yeah Frank I am.  How did you know?”

“Just because I don’t say much, doesn’t mean I didn’t notice the look that you had last night that is more profound this morning.  It is the same look your mother had on her face when you called and told us about this deployment.  Harm, you don’t have to hide and put on a brave face.”

“Frank, I am leaving for a war that not many people agree with, just like Dad.  I am leaving a family behind, just like Dad.  I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything Harm.”

“If something happens and I don’t come back, I want you to help make sure that my kids, Mac, Sergei, and Jen still live their life and follow their dreams.  Don’t let them become obsessed with my death like I was with my dad.”

“Harm, I will try to insure that everything you want to happen for them comes true.  But I will tell you one thing, you have a very stubborn 15 year old when it comes to you and a stubborn fiancée who is even worse.”

“Thank you.  Frank, I have something to give you before I go.”

“Harm, you didn’t have to do that.”  Frank said as Harm handed him a small wrapped gift.  Frank opened it and found a small sculpture of father and son, not a traditional one of a young man and child but it depicted an elderly man embracing his grown up son.  The plaque underneath it read simply read “Thank you Dad.”

“Harm, I don’t know what to say.  I love you Harm.  Come home safe.”

“I will Frank I will.  Frank, I’m scared.” Harm said sinking to his knees.  “I’m not scared for me, but for my family.  I don’t want them to have to go through what Mom and me went through.”

“You can’t control that, no one can.  Fly smart and come home.”

“I promise I will try to.”

“This has been exhausting, let’s go spend some time with our wonderful family.”

They walked back inside and Frank went up to the guest room to put up his sculpture.  He passed a picture of Harm Sr. on the credenza in the hallway.  He picked it up and sent a silent prayer to the heavens praying that his son would not meet the fate of his father.

They drove to Andrews several hours later to drop Harm off.  They found their favorite ZNN correspondent there, Stuart Dunston.

“Rabb, picking someone up?”

“Nope, dropping someone off.”

“You?  What’s the case?”

“No case.  I’m TAD to the Patrick Henry for air wing.  What are you doing here?”

“Doing a story on how the war affects our families.  Care for your family to be a part?”

“I don’t think so.”

Several hours later they were saying their goodbyes.   Harm was standing in the terminal holding Mattie close, tears were streaming down her face.  “Dad, don’t go.”

“Baby, I have to.  But I will talk to you whenever I have the chance.  Be good for Mac will you?  Help out with Mackenzie.”

“I’ll see you in a couple of months.”  Mattie hugged him one more time and ran to the arms of Jen who had already said her goodbye.

Sergei handed his brother Mackenzie.  She was screaming like a siren, it seemed as if she knew that her Da would be leaving her.  She instinctively held on to him as if her life depended on it.  He kissed her fine baby hair and stroked her back until she calmed down, he didn’t want her to get worked up.

Sergei hugged his brother and wished him a good luck.  Admiral Chegwidden came out to wish Harm luck, Harriet brought little AJ and Jimmy.  He hugged the boys and hugged Harriet.

“Help Sarah through this will you?”

“Of course.” Harriet replied.

He gave her one last hug and shook Bud’s hand.  “Sir, I will make sure that Mattie and Mackenzie are okay.”

“I appreciate that Bud.”

Harriet looked at the crew, “Well, I think I will see what we can find close for lunch.  Anyone else hungry?”

The rest of the guys got the hint and left Harm and Mac alone.  Harm locked his eyes in his hers.  Tears started streaming down her face.  “I’m going to miss you so much.”

He held her tight.  “I’ll fly safe, I promise, and I will be home soon to hold you close.  We can finally get around to planning our wedding once I get back.  I love you Sarah.”

“I love you too Harm.”  She heard the announcement for him to board the plane.  The tears started flowing more freely.

“Honey, don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it.  I’m scared.”

“I’m scared too baby.”  He squeezed her and thumbed away her tears and kissed her eyes.  “I love you.  Don’t forget it.”

“Never.  I love you too Harm.”  She took something out of her pocket and slipped it into his hand.  “It’s a locket.  I know men don’t wear these sort of things, but just keep it near to you.”

“Mac, I love it, and I will wear it close to my heart.”  He kissed her.  His tongue traced her lips as he we seeking hers.  An urgent but passionate kiss.  Then her internal clock kicked it; it was time for him to go.  She walked him as far as she could and watched the love of her life disappear down the terminal.

Mac dropped to her knees and started sobbing into her hands.  She had never felt so alone, but so loved in that moment.  She felt someone embrace her.  “Sarah, it will be okay.  My son will come home.”

“Thank you Trish.  I better go to the restroom before seeing the girls.  They will know something is wrong.”  Sarah Mackenzie got up from the terminal chairs and went into the restroom to freshen up.  Before Trish could realize it, Sarah Mackenzie was gone and Mac the Marine had returned.  “Trish, where are we meeting everyone?”

At that moment Trish knew what Mac was doing.  She was building walls around her heart to steel herself for bad news.  She knew it, because she had done it too.  “We are meeting the girls and the Roberts at a hamburger joint down the road.”

Trish hugged Mac and they made their way back down the terminal.  “Trish, I miss him already.”

“I know you do Sarah.”